Karl's and Viggo's journey thru recovery

[karlofpalace.livejournal.com]

Karl smiled as he curled up in Viggo's lap. "I tell you I love you yet today?"

"Hmm... let me think about it," Viggo pretended to consider, then leaned down and kissed him slowly. "I think you might have, yes."

Moaning, Karl pressed tighter against his love. "Think I need to tell you again. I love you." He looked intently into Viggo's eyes.

"I love you too," Viggo smiled, reaching up and touching Karl's cheek. Good day. Definitely a good day.

Karl purred as he leaned into the touch. "I hope you don't mind. I told Patrick about the cabin. Bout the first time I went there."

"I don't mind at all," Viggo smiled, curling more around him. "Tell me what you told him?"

"I don't know how long it took for me to get the assignment without making it look like it did. Sean thought having your stuff here would make it easier. You get the chance to bring stuff with you when we come get you. To help. So finally I got to go. I almost left without taking some things to eat. Took me a whole day just to find it." Karl's hand started moving up and down Viggo's arm. "Everything was so quiet, but not spooky quiet, like something was going to jump out at you. It was just...quiet. But good. I guess that's why the cabin was there instead of somewhere else." He could almost see the cabin right there.

Viggo smiled slowly as Karl spoke, able to see the cabin in his mind as a good memory, no longer causing him pain. "I'm glad it made you feel like that. And I'm so glad you did it- it did make a difference. Not as much of a difference as getting you did, but still."

Karl blushed. "You know that statue you had on the table? When I came in the light was on it in a weird way. Thought it was a person. Scared the hell out of me. Think I scared everything for a mile around. Then I-" He blushed more, ducking his head. "I saw your bed."

"Poor Karl," Viggo laughed as he mentioned the statue. "Why does my bed get a blush," he asked, touching Karl's cheek again.

"Cause I-I laid down on it. I-" Karl grew even redder before he hid his face. "I spent the night there, in your bed. Pretending as if I was waiting for you to come home."

"I always think you must have been kidding when you said you had feelings for me before I knew about it," Viggo mused, raising Karl's head again. "I don't mind, Karl."

Karl stared back at Viggo. "It still smelled like you. I lay there and closed my eyes. Remembered how you felt under me when we caught you. When we fought. Wondered what it would be like to feel you during sex. I took my clothes off and I-" He bit his lip as he smiled.

"What did I feel like under you when you caught me," Viggo's voice went low, his eyes darkening as he looked at Karl.

Karl moved, pushing Viggo down and straddling him. "You felt hard, wild. The energy coming off you. The desire. The force. Remember when you got one hand free? That's cause I had wondered for a second what it would feel to have that force directed at me, thrusting inside me. That heat sent straight thru me."

"You saying that you let me go on purpose? I didn't just get free on my own?" Viggo scoffed, struggling under him a bit, feeling himself growing harder.

"Not on purpose. The image was so clear, it threw my guard off. I didn't have my attention fully on you just then."

"And where's your attention now?

"Fully." Karl lay full on top of Viggo. "Totally." His mouth hovered over his love's. "On the man I love." He kissed him hard, grinding against him.

Viggo gasped, letting the pleasure of what Karl was doing to him flood through him, pressing up hard into the kiss.

Karl moaned as he lowered his shield, the feelings from Viggo slamming up his spine.

"I want you- now. Please?" Viggo nearly whimpered, thrusting up hard against Karl.

"Please. Fuck me, love. Fuck me hard." Karl started to push his pants down. "Please." He begged.

Viggo leaned up and kissed Karl fiercely, then flipped them over, fighting to get Karl's pants the rest of the way off. He fumbled around in his pockets for a packet of lube, slicking his fingers and pressing them inside Karl, curling them as he swallowed his cock, taking him deep.

Karl cried out, bearing down on Viggo's fingers as his hips thrust up. His hands clawed at the couch, head going back. "Please. More. Love, please."

He worked his fingers deeper inside Karl, curling them and working them over his prostate, purring loudly at the taste of him in his mouth.

Karl's next cry was louder as he spread his legs as wide as he could. He licked his lips, moaning. Then a hard shudder ran thru him. "Love...want feel....you. Please."

Viggo lifted off, his lips reddened, gasping hard as he dragged his pants off, pinning Karl down and entering him in one solid thrust, crying out as he felt Karl close around him.

Karl's arms went around Viggo, his nails digging into his back as he screamed. Immediately he pushed back, fucking himself hard on Viggo's cock. "Yesssss."

"God, yes," Viggo breathed, pinning Karl's hands down beside his head and thrusting in harder, pressing his cock between them.

Karl half tried to fight against Viggo as his legs came up around him. "Kiss me." He lifted his head up to lick Viggo's mouth.

"Forever," Viggo leaned down, letting his tongue brush against Karl's before kissing him deeply.

"Mmmm," Karl pressed up against him, arching his back. He clamped down around his cock, hips thrusting as much as possible.

"Love you," Viggo breathed against his lips, holding Karl's wrists in one hand and working the other in-between them, stroking Karl roughly.

Karl's breath hitched, his eyes rolling back as he writhed under Viggo. His legs tightened around his waist, moving higher up his back.

Viggo's head leaned back, sensation building inside him as he got closer. He worked Karl's cock faster, harder, hand slick with precome, then gasped, thrusting in violently as he started to come.

Karl cried out as he felt Viggo, his shield slamming up as his vision started to darken. He panted as he looked up. "Love?" His breath was ragged, hands twisting in Viggo's hand.

Viggo gave one more hard thrust, his hand working furiously against Karl's cock. "Love, now- NOW!"

Karl's breath caught in his throat, then his body arched up and he screamed as he came over Viggo's hand and on their stomachs. He blinked as his vision blurred, hands roaming over his love's body before pulling him down. "Love you."

"Love you," Viggo murmured, sighing as he wrapped his arms around Karl, leaning up and gently kissing his neck. "Love this."

"Us. Always." Karl smiled as he relaxed in Viggo's arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Viggo waved to Guy as he passed, turning the handle to the suite door and walking inside, frowning as he walked into complete darkness. "I thought I left the window's open, there should still..." Fuck. He closed the door behind him, taking a moment to adjust to the darkness, then walked through the living room and into the bedroom, not needing to see to know where he was going. As soon as he got through the door, he dropped to the ground, moving slowly closer, then stopping, a few feet a way from the wall. "Hey Karl," he whispered, keeping his voice warm, careful not to show his dismay.

Karl lay on the floor, curled up around Viggo's sweater with his face buried in it. He jumped as he heard his name, trying to press back against the wall. His eyes were wide as he stared ahead, his whole body shaking. He whimpered, trying to make himself curl up tighter.

Bad day. Viggo murmured softly, not using any real words as he reached under the bed, keeping all his movements slow and deliberate, pulling his sketch pad and charcoals out from under the bed. Unable to see much, he just started drawing by memory, quick sketches, Karl and him asleep, Karl and him curled up together, comforting scenes of home, taking soothingly under his breath, repeating their names, over and again.

Karl froze when he saw the man reaching under the bed, only able to breathe when he saw it was just paper. His eyes followed the man's hand, watching the drawings appear. Little by little he calmed down, listening to his voice. Finally he looked up. "Love?" His voice was rough.

"Love," Viggo answered back, still drawing, a monumental effort keeping his hands from shaking. That and the fact he's done this before. "Viggo, your love. Your lover."

"Lover. Us?" Karl moved a little closer, his eyes darting around the room before resting on Viggo's face. "Us? Just us?"

"No one here but us. Only us," Viggo assured him, smiling gently.

"Love?" Karl threw himself at Viggo, clinging to him as he sobbed.

Viggo let the pad fall to the floor, pulling Karl in close and rubbing his back, letting him cry. "I'm here, Karl. I'm here. Always here for you."

"They....they watched."

"They watched?" Viggo repeated, still stroking his hair.

Karl nodded his head. "They watched. He showed them. Stared at me. Took me home." His grip on Viggo tightened painfully.

"I thought they never... I thought you said..." Viggo swallowed, unable to get the words out.

"For-forgot. My-my-" Karl's shaking grew worse as he started to gag.

"Shhh," Viggo shifted Karl, just grabbing the garbage bin beside the bed, bringing it close to him. "Shh, it's in the past. They can't hurt you now, I'm here," he whispered, fighting not to cry.

Karl shook his head, bringing his arms around him as the pain in his chest grew. "My....my birth-birthd" He pulled the bin to him, gagging before he threw up.

Oh god, oh god, oh god, Viggo closed his eyes tightly, rubbing Karl's back as he was sick, wanting to get him a drink of water, but not daring to leave his side.

Karl continued past there being anything left to throw up, his throat hurting more and more. He let go of the bin, then fell against Viggo in a daze. He grabbed his hand, bringing it under his chin along with the sweater. His body continued to shake as the tears still fell.

"I've got you. I've got you, Karl," Viggo whispered, holding on tightly, rocking him gently back and forth. "I'm not going anywhere, staying right here."

Karl stared up at Viggo. "My only one?" His voice was fainter and he winced as he spoke.

"Shh. Don't hurt your throat. Your only one," Viggo assured him, touching his cheek.

Leaning into Viggo's hand, Karl nodded. 'Love you' he mouthed, then his body gave out. His eyes slid shut and he went limp

Viggo waited a few minutes until he was sure Karl was asleep, then lifted him into bed, slipping his clothes off, but leaving the sweater against him, quickly rinsing out the garbage before coming back and curling up in bed with him, waiting for Karl to settle.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"He'll be out for sometime I'm afraid, Viggo." Patrick sat back at his desk. "But he'll be a little better when he wakes up."

"Is it getting better?" Viggo asked, his voice betraying his exhaustion. "Please, just tell me that- is he getting better?"

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but he is. How have the nightmares been?"

"I don't know," Viggo looked down, rubbing his eyes. "Better. Worse. I don't know. He's telling me things now, and he's coming out of it faster. Sometimes he'll still scream, but it's like... he's giving himself permission, where before he would have had to stay quiet. So I really don't know."

"That's a good thing, Viggo. It means we're breaking Miles's hold on him. I know things are worse because he's remembering now. But it needs to be done. That's part of his fear, wondering if something he's forgotten will come back and get him."

"Does he have to remember it all?" Viggo looked up, his eyes almost pleading. "His parents, Patrick. He was remembering them watching something happen, something on his birthday. He threw up and passed out."

"They were watching him being worked over by Miles. He was told there was a special treat for him. That was it." Patrick covered his eyes for a moment. "He did the same here in the office.

"I didn't realize... he told me that he didn't know if they knew explicitly... but they did. They knew, they watched- how? How does a parent watch that happen to their child? Why?" Viggo demanded, not caring whether Patrick had any answers or not.

"Cause he wasn't their child in their eyes. He was a means to an end. A way to get them out of the debt. A way to get money. He was a thing, little more than an animal sent to work in the fields. Karl was not conceived out of love. The sole purpose of his existence was to make their lives easier. At his expense."

"There is a difference between lack of love and torture. Between treating someone like a human being, and treating them worse than an animal," Viggo said bitterly.

"And in Karl's case he got both the lack and the torture." Patrick sighed. "People have gone thru half of what he has and have turned out bad. Become abusers, torturers, even killers themselves. Have shut down, seeing no one else as being human, worthy of any regard. But Karl is special. Something inside him wouldn't let that happen to him."

"He is special," Viggo whispered, clearing his throat harshly. "He's amazing. He can get through this, right?"

"He can and he will. Have you been talking to Harry, letting him help you?"

"Sometimes," Viggo didn't meet Patrick's eyes, not wanting to admit that he'd not been wanting to talk about it at all, outside the sessions.

"Viggo." Patrick's voice was stern as he got up and walked toward him. "We discussed why you need someone to lean on, so Karl can lean on you."

"I know," Viggo said in a small voice. "It's just too much sometimes. To go through it all again. And this isn't anything hasn't already heard. He doesn't need to hear it again."

"Then just let him buy you a drink. Let someone watch over you when you need to cry, to scream."

"It just doesn't seem fair to him," Viggo's voice got even smaller. "He had to do it all alone." So should I.

"But it happened little by little to him. Not in a rush like you're getting it. And that was his world. How he thought his life was supposed to be."

"I meant Harry."

"Oh. I see. You ever think, maybe it would give him a chance to finally be able to reach out as well? Someone else finally knows the pain he's known for so long. He can talk now."

"Oh. Obviously I didn't," Viggo blinked, then looked down, embarrassed.

"Karl isn't alone. And you and need to realize you're not either."

"I just thought... it isn't his life any more. But maybe it never stopped for him either," Viggo frowned.

"I don't think it did. Just go more manageable."

"Why won't he let us charge them? They're still out there- what they did was wrong."

"Cause he would have to face them. There would be a trial and everything would come out. Everyone would know what happened to him.

"But he didn't do anything wrong- it was done to him," Viggo's hands clenched again. "He shouldn't feel he has anything to feel...God DAMN it."

"No." Karl stirred, frowning. "no."

Viggo bit his lip, falling silent again.

Patrick walked over to him. "Karl. Karl wake up now."

Karl slowly opened his eyes. "Patrick?"

"Yes." Patrick smiled. "You fell asleep."

"I hate when I do that." Karl sighed as he turned to look up at Viggo. "Hey." He whispered as he reached up to touch his lover's face.

"Hey," Viggo whispered, leaning into his touch. "I love you."

"I love you. Love you so much." Karl smiled as he sat up enough to kiss Viggo, then lay back down. "My only one."

"Your only one," Viggo echoed. "Can we go home? Or is there more today?"

"Did Karl tell you about his safe place?"

Karl blushed as he looked up at Viggo with a smile, then hid his face. "Not yet."

"Safe place?" Viggo looked at Patrick, then back at Karl again. "What is it, Karl?" he asked, smiling, since it seemed to be a good thing.

Karl looked at Viggo. "Patrick had me think of a place, for when he makes me remember. When it gets bad, I run away from the remembering til I can handle it again. I thought it had to be something from when I was a kid, so the ones I thought of weren't good enough, they didn't help. But now I got one that does."

"You do?" Viggo took his hand and held it tight. "You've found one that works- somewhere that's safe?"

"Yeah." Karl nodded, running his cheek against Viggo's hand. "Your cabin. I go there and I'm safe. I see you there, how I think you looked like when you were a kid. And we play, til I have to go back and remember more."

"Me... you and me as kids? At the cabin?" Viggo looked surprised, then started to blush. "That makes you feel safe?"

Karl nodded again, smiling as he hid his face again.

"I'm glad," Viggo whispered, holding his hand tighter. "You go there as much as Patrick says its okay for."

"When I'm done here, take me back there for real. If it's still there, want to see it with you."

Viggo hesitated a moment, then looked at Karl's face. It'll be good for both of us. And I'm not saying no to him. "Of course," Viggo nodded, kissing Karl's cheek. "I'll take you there."

"Thank you." Karl sat up, hugging Viggo tight as he kissed him. "Thank you for that. Love you so much."

"Love you. Everything's going to work out. I know it."

Patrick smiled as he watched them, then stood up and went back to his desk. "I think we're done now. Karl, the usual time. Viggo, will you be able to come week after next?"

"Shouldn't be a problem at all," Viggo nodded. "Thank you, Patrick."

"Thank you. Just remember what I told you. I expect you to follow my advice."

Karl picked up Viggo's sweater, holding it close to him as he stood up.

"I will. I promise," Viggo slipped his hand into Karl's.

Karl squeezed Viggo's hand. "Thank you Patrick. See you next time." He turned to Viggo. "Let's go home."