Harry's reaction... the morning after the Carstairs raid.

[palaceharry.livejournal.com]

 

Harry lay on the sofa staring up at the ceiling. It was very early morning on the day after the Carstairs raid, and he hadn't slept all night. He'd tried to curl up in bed with Orlando when he got home, but every time he closed his eyes, he saw Johnny lying in the corner, saw the boys tied down to the tables, covered in ropes and scars. So he'd spent the night on the couch, going through the events of the evening over and over again, until he thought he'd be sick all over again. He'd expected to be horrified. He'd expected to see people in pain, and he'd expected to see things that would make his stomach turn. But for him to let Johnny down like that- the fact that Johnny had been hurt again, after Christian had told Harry that they would keep Johnny safe...

Harry stopped in mid-thought and sat up, running over the night in his head quickly, then recounting various conversations he'd had with Christian in the days preceding the raid. Clenching his hands into fists, he stalked out the door, stopping to pull it shut, then down the hall to Christian's rooms. Pausing for a moment, wondering if he should knock, Harry tried the door and finding it unlocked, yanked it open. He walked into the room, and slammed the door behind him, looking around for any sign of Christian.

If the way his hands were shaking this morning wasn't enough to upset his coffee, the sound of his door being violently thrust open, most certainly was. Christian looked up, startled, disregarding the hot sting as the brew spilled onto his chest and saw Harry striding across the floor, his head swivelling back and forth, searching. He set the cup down on the side table and stood up, the movement attracting Harry's attention. The other man looked at him with a strange glint in his eyes and fury written clearly on his face and began to stalk toward him. Christian just had enough time to open his mouth and say, "Harry? What . . ."

Harry hauled back and punched Christian in the face before he could finish his sentence, his fist slamming into Christian's cheekbone. Completely disregarding the pain in his hand, he glared at the younger man. "You goddamned lying son of a bitch." he choked out.

Shocked, Christian was thrown backward to hit the couch, the small of his back taking a heavy blow from the lightly padded frame before he managed to control the fall. He landed, half lying on his side, his shoulders against the cushions and his free hand came up to rub the side of his face, his expression one of shock mixed with anger. "What the fuck was that for?" he said, pulling himself up a little in case Harry came at him again and he needed to move.

Clenching his fists together and shaking with rage, tears in his eyes, Harry stared at Christian. "You knew all along, didn't you? And you fucking lied to me- you told me he'd be safe, you told me we'd keep him safe. And you fucking knew, you cocksucking bastard." Harry bit out the words, the rage he's feeling clear in his tone. Harry left sane a couple exits ago.

Whoa

! Christian eyed Harry worriedly. This was . . . man, Harry was out of control. What the hell was he on about? Sliding even further upright, he held up his hands in a gesture intended to pacify and said quietly, "Harry, I don't understand what you're talking about. You're going to have to be specific." Hopefully, he thought, the Harry who always gave everyone a fair shake was still in there somewhere, a faint voice of reason. Despite the waves of pain radiating out from his cheekbone and his spine, Christian had no desire to hurt Harry, or even to try.

Harry's voice got quiet and dangerous, and his eyes narrowed. "Don't even try to fuck with me on this Christian. Don't try and tell me that you didn't know that was going to happen to Johnny."

Oh. Now Christian understood. Well, he thought, I understand the question at least, but I'm damned if I know why it's being asked. He stood up. If he was going to continue this bizarre conversation, he was doing it on his feet. "Knew?" he said. "About Johnny? What happened upstairs, you mean? Yeah, course I knew. I was monitoring him the whole time. I told you he was okay."

If Harry was angry before, that is nothing compared to how livid he was now. "Okay? OKAY! We were downstairs drinking fucking champagne and people watching while he was upstairs having people take turns raping him from both ends, and that's okay? And you were monitoring it the whole time it was happening and you didn't tell me- didn't do anything to stop it? You sick fuck! Did you know that's what was going to happen when you promised me we'd keep him safe if we brought him along?" Harry lashed out at Christian, only holding himself back from attacking the man again because he wanted his questions answered.

Christian's voice went flat. "Harry. Back off." He slid around from behind the coffee table, eyes narrowing. He still didn't get what was going on here, why Harry was suddenly so mad after the event. Wasn't like there'd been a bad outcome. Everything had gone just as planned. "Johnny was safe." he said slowly, still trying to figure it out. "Wait a minute." All of a sudden Harry's ravings started to make some kind of sense. "Are you telling me you didn't know it was gonna go down like that? You honestly didn't realize?" Christian put a hand to his head, shaking it in disbelief. He turned and walked away from Harry, then swung back, the surprise evident on his face. "I don't fucking believe it." he said. "You really didn’t realize."

"What, I'm just suppose to assume that setting up a kid who is a recovering from the kind of abuse most people can't even contemplate existing being set up to be raped again by the same people who did this to him in the first place is standard operating procedure?" Harry's voice was shaking, his whole body was shaking. "What is WRONG with you? Of course I didn’t realize- you never told me that was what was going to happen! That was what your plan all along?"

"Harry, what the fuck did you think was going on up there for an hour? Tea and biscuits?" Christian lowered his head and bit his bottom lip, his own anger on the rise. Why was he being made responsible for Harry's own lack of forethought? "Or didn't you think about it at all?" He spat the words out with a bitter twist. "It was an acceptable risk." he added. "Johnny knew that. Hell, he knew it going in. No surprises there. Of course it was the fucking plan. Jeesus!"

Harry fumed at the phrase ‘acceptable risk’ and pointed at Christian, snarling. "I trusted you. I trusted you to do what was right. I said I thought this was a bad idea, you said we'd keep him safe. I said I was worried Johnny would get hurt again, and you shut me down. You weren't honest with me, not once this whole time. If I'd had the slightest clue that this is what you were planning Johnny wouldn't have been there. You lied to me."

Christian took a step toward Harry. "Johnny wouldn't have been there? Listen to yourself, you sanctimonious shit! Since when is Johnny's life under your control? Who fucking died and made you Carstairs, mate?! I think you need a little definition adjustment. Did you see that kid's face last night? Did you?" Christian was right in Harry's face now, his owns fists clenching and releasing as he fought the urge to take that last step. His head ached and his stomach too. Reminders of last night's interruptions and now with his back and face added to it . . . Christian was more than ready. "Or were you too busy losing your dinner in the bushes? He was elated, Harry! Last night did him more good than a decade of fucking therapy. Which, by the way, you sound like you could use!"

Harry lifted his head and stared right into Christian's eyes. "Don't you dare, Christian. Don't you fucking dare even think of comparing me wanting to protect Johnny from being hurt anymore to what Carstairs did. Do you have any idea what I heard and saw while you took off to play administrator and left us holding the bag? Two hours of watching Johnny try and convince a room full of raped boys that they were safe this time, that this wasn't going to happen to them again. And then while your boys start cleaning out the secret rooms, Johnny and I go to Carstair’s studio. You've seen the scars on Johnny? Want to imagine what it looked like seeing two boys tied up like he would have been? Do you know what it smells like when acid soaked ropes are burning into someone's flesh?"

"And they are fucking safe, aren't they? They're all safe and no one will ever hurt them like that again." Christian's voice was getting lower and harder, the tone sarcastic. The urge to hit out, to vent some of what he was feeling was almost overwhelming. "And yes, Harry I know what acid does, what flesh smells like when it burns. I've cut down bodies that've been hanging from trees for two days in the full sun. Hung by their own entrails, while they were still alive, Harry. And a nice little fire lit beneath their feet to make 'em dance too. So don't you fucking stand there and preach at me!"

Harry tried to absorb what Christian has said for a moment- still trapped in the memory of holding Adrian in his arms, feeling the boy shake in terror. "I am never going to forget being down there, and I won't let you try and make me feel ashamed that it affected me like this. You organized this raid. You were in control, and I trusted you to keep Johnny safe, and to keep me informed as to what was going on- before and during. Instead, you lied. This wasn't war, Christian. What you have seen- those were as a soldier, in combat situations. Johnny is a civilian, and so am I. You gave me next to no information, and brought me into a military operation without giving me the details I needed to know about what was actually going to happen. And Johnny getting set up to be raped again counts as therapy, huh?"

Harry stepped back away from Christian, his expression now strangely blank, his voice dull with shock. "I can't even look at you right now. I thought you were an honorable man. Right now, all I see is someone who pimped out a hurt kid in order to achieve a military objective that could have been reached some other way. God bless Calera." Harry turned around and walked out the door, broken and exhausted.

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[palaceelijah.livejournal.com]

Jay/Harry I have already fangirled you in private over how wonderful this is, but I had to let you and TR/Christian both know how wonderful and brutal and painfully well you have done this.
It is so good and poor Harry...
Huggles to you both.

[palace-craig.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is so intense - and just incredible, though it completely breaks my heart. You've both written this so perfectly - I can see both sides, and I'm dying for both of you.

WONDERFUL, AMAZING and so *real*.

Need tissues. *sniff*

*hugs you both as I sniff and sob*

[palace-miranda.livejournal.com]

*hugs Harry and Christian*

Whoa! That was intense! I can somehow understand them both, but still, this scene just blew me away. The raid scene was incredible already, but this is even better.

Well done, ladies!